READ MY LIPS.

Thanks to everyone who dropped a msg, it's very heartwarming to know that there are people who care.

I can't help thinking of the times we used to spend together, doing all sorts of stuff. We had a watermelon fight in orchard road, bbq-d out of an aluminium tray, cycled to east coast and walked back w me sub-conscious. Disney on ice, xmas dinner at mt faber, shopping (thats one thing i loved about him, the only guy i enjoyed shopping with. he never complained about shopping.)
there's just so much to list.
Sometimes it feels that nothing has changed.
i'd really give anything just to get him back. It might be impossible, but who knows what will happen in the future? haha. the thought still runs through my mind.
when i was with an ex, i couldn't vision us going far, and so we didnt.
with him, though, i havent been able to envision an ending. still haven't. i pray that this thought is right. Maybe, god knows, the story will continue after a few months or years and if it does, the relationship will grow strong because of what we've both been through. then again, it's only maybe. haha.

i miss us emailing each other when i was having lab lessons. i miss us keeping in contact all the time through sms.
When you lose someone that matters so much, nothing else seems important anymore. my piano exams, the end sem exams. blah. anything just to see him now. haha.
He said i was turning into a shopaholic, with all the online shopping gg on. now when i look at stuff online, it kinda irks me.
Reading my past blog entries make me hate myself, why'd i leave him out, why're they all filled with times w my friends? i never included him because we seldom met anymore.
i was horrible.
really, i cannot stop blaming myself for this ending and im disliking myself more and more each day.
Why didnt i think of listening to him when i could? stupid amelia, stupid.
This silly little thing called Love really makes/breaks a person.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. How i dislike that day now.
Last year, we had a terrible vday which was full of quarrels. haha. but we had a makeup one though, and it turned out to be fantastic.
I wonder what kind of surprise his gf's gonna get this year.
I dont think i'm gonna feel like going anywhere as the streets will be filled with couples everywhere. i shall study or smth man.

I hate being alone nowadays. i totally abhor waking up on my own to thought of the past. I dont like to be so dependant on my friends too, having to call them and get consoled by them, i feel bad disturbing them. but it gets really hard to stop when nobody's talking to you. i hate myself for crying everyday, for disturbing my friends, for what i did in the past.

hurts so badly.



you said i seemed to be doing fine, you dont know how much effort i have to put in to act as though nothing's happened just so that you wouldn't shut me out.