READ MY LIPS.

Upon reaching home from dinner awhile ago, my dad suddenly asked, "What happened to you and Nigel, broken up already huh"
I smiled and said ya, but the tears came along with it.
It's been a long time since i felt so much love from my dad.
He talked alot to me, told me that in the past i hurt nigel alot, that daddy himself knows how nigel felt last time.
Nigel, im so sorry i put you through all those last time. Do you know how much i wish i could take all those back, how much im regretting those fucking stupid actions of mine?
Mummy said i shouldnt be such a weakling (yes she actually called me a weakling) and msg him as it'll only make him feel irritated.
I guess that's how you really feel now nigel, even if i were to jump out of my window now, you prolly wouldnt care, wouldnt bother to find out what's happened to me. That's how dead your feelings for me are already. So fast darling, so fast.

i started feeling super sad all over again. I couldnt stop crying. Daddy told me to move on, told me that it's not worth it. That i'm still young and to take it as a lesson learnt. I wanted to tell him that all i want is nigel, that i dont want anything else. But i was crying so hard i couldnt say anything out. Daddy told me to go and bathe, but all i could do in the toilet was cry and cry, until i vomitted my dinner out. I hate to cry so badly. It makes it hard to walk and makes my eyes swell badly, which hurts. I wish i could be immune to NIGEL, so that words wont affect me so much, so that i'll be able to just tell Daddy that yeah, it's over. Immune so that i wont make myself think of him every morning, killing myself with thoughts of him and his girl.

I'm so tired.. exhausted.. my insides and my eyes hurt. When will i be able to stop crying and get on with life?

So disappointed.. But who am i to be angry with you? Remember you calling me naive when we went drinking some time last year? I guess i really am, to believe you when you said you still feel for me. Do you even care now, or is your mind only full of your new love? I wonder if you told me all those out of pity for me. Makes me sound damn pathetic la, shit.
Should i be happy that you asked what happened? It feels like you're only asking for the sake of asking, instead of caring. I dont know la.
The world seems so ugly now.